August 14, 2013

Today

I just want to express today that as very, very hard the last year and a half has been for me, and as much as I have lost, and hurt, and grieved.... as dark as it has been.... that I am so blessed to have my beautiful son.  At times it can be a temptation to feel like I never have time to myself, or that he's making me nuts with his toddler antics...but the fact that I have the opportunity to be with him that much makes me a very lucky woman. I get to experience all the things he does, be there at each milestone, even the not so fun ones. It's total immersion parenting. It's intense, but intensely rich.

Ronan is a wonderful boy, he is sweet and outrageously funny.  Creative and imaginative.  Smart and soulful. He is my universe and I hope and pray that I can show him each and every day of my life how much I love him in all that I do.  I hope that when he is grown he will look back and remember a childhood filled with laughter, art, books, dirt, adventures, and hugs.  I hope he will remember that I came to all of his events, that I cried at his graduation, cheered him on at his first spelling bee. That I held his hand during his first breakup, his second breakup, and maybe even his third.  That I was open with him about who I am and what I stand for.  That the people in my life were a blessing to him.  That I taught him about grace and table manners. I hope he remembers that he could always talk to me about anything. I hope he remembers that I was patient and kind.  That he was free to be himself.  That he felt unconditionally accepted.  That he was safe and protected. That he was given the opportunity to stretch his wings and experience life to the fullest. I hope his diaries are full of descriptions of crazy road trips, pressed flowers, pictures of us in strange countries. I want him to look back on a life well lived, not only his own, but mine as well.

I am so thankful to be a mama. And I am SO grateful that I am HIS mama. I am so thankful for my son, the person that he is, and the person he is becoming. I am thankful for new beginnings and the opportunity to grab a crate of lemons and make the best damn lemonade you've ever had.

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